Jungian analyst James Hollis was once asked about the meaning of life, and his response was that when someone asks that question, they are typically asking about the meaning of their life.
Maybe there is some universal meaning to human existence, but I agree with Hollis that the more pertinent question is the meaning of our own individual lives.
I’ve come to believe that having meaning or a sense of purpose in our lives is the most significant factor for our wellbeing. Viktor Frankl, one of the pioneers of Existential Psychology, observed that people could overcome remarkable hardship when they found meaning in it.
One of the most extraordinary changes in my life happened when I shifted the driving value of my life to help others in their healing and growth.
I was quite depressed for some time, and afraid to give up the few comforts I had in fear that I would be even more unhappy. I was worried about giving up much of my freedom and leisure time by committing to a career in service to others.
My depression was already sapping my life force, what if I didn’t have the energy to support others?
These fears kept me from committing to making the big career change, thinking I needed to do more of my own healing work before I had the capacity to support others.
Eventually I realized I was wrong. That I didn’t need to be fully healed to support others.
In fact my progress in healing had stalled and I stopped making any noticeable progress despite my efforts. My ADHD and depression were at an all time high. I felt I had tried everything up until that point, and had no choices left besides jumping into a life of service.
Caring for others is self-care
Even in the world of healing and spirituality, I see many people being driven by the wrong forces.
If the driving force in your life is success for the sake of success, if your primary goal is financial freedom or fame or social validation, then you’re on an unhealthy track. Any real sense of happiness or fulfillment or even general wellbeing will continue to elude you. This is a lesson I feel grateful to have learned relatively young.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have goals of financial freedom or acclaimed success. Just be careful, these goals can easily take over and lead you down the track of inner isolation and dissatisfaction.
Many people turn to healing professions for the right reasons, only to get sucked into more self-serving behaviour. It’s easy to lose track of what’s most meaningful, it happens to me all the time.
The important thing is that your primary driver remains aligned with the collective wellbeing, and not individual success or validation.
Now this doesn’t mean being selfless. We need to take care of ourselves and value our wellbeing in the same way we value the wellbeing of those we most care about. If we aren’t well, then our ability to do good is severely hampered.
We do need to prioritize our wellbeing. We need to make sure we can meet our basic needs. But one of our most basic needs is to have a role in the collective wellbeing. To feel a sense of connection and contribution to the collective good.
Caring for others is caring for ourselves, so long as we find a sense of balance and don’t martyr ourselves in the process.
So what are we going to do about it?
I’m well aware of the challenges of finding a sense of purpose in a materialist culture. It’s difficult enough to make rent and upkeep a basic social life, much less go out of our way to help others.
I count myself very lucky to be able to make a living supporting others. I know things can be much more difficult for others. But I do believe that most of us have some possibility of having a positive impact on the collective wellbeing, and nothing inspires me more than supporting people in finding that.
I’m starting an online meetup group, where we will contemplate these matters and more, explore how we can support ourselves and others, meditate together, and just hang out and form genuine meaningful connections.
I’m planning for the first meeting to be this Thursday, April 5th at 2pm ET, and planning to do this every 2 weeks, and possibly weekly if there’s demand.
This group will be accessible for all Patreon members. You can sign up for as little as $5/month, but support at a higher tier is greatly appreciated. Your support allows me to devote more time to supporting others in their growth and wellbeing, through live events like these but also free content on my YouTube Channel.
It’s also hard to find a time that works for everyone, so if you’re interested in attending but Wednesdays at 2pm ET doesn’t work for you, then let me know what times would work and I’ll take that into consideration for the future, possibly alternating times.
I’m excited for this! I’ve had so many wonderful people reach out to me personally, I’m really looking forward to connecting more in real time and getting to know one another.
Much love,
Jude
I really love what you wrote here. It soo reflects my own inner struggles - who am I side from the needs of living (moneys for housing, food, etc - social contacts, and everything else). Under all the baseline needs who am I?
If money were not a consideration for all of my remaining time alive, what is it I would, really and truly, do with my time?
Of course answering (or even considering) that question feels first and foremost selfish in a self centered way overtly. All the guards stroll on scene reminding me that money is of course ALL important and without it I will be [insert whatever fear you can think of here that works for you, because I assure you have thought of most of them and could never do the list justise]...
But what if I could just find a safe way to "glance" at the question and explore the possibilities?? Is it possible I might discover that the very thing I might do is also the very thing that could assuage the "guards" in their needed roles?
There is a fear of marching ahead completely alone into the abyss of discovery.
Knowing ADHD and likely Autism are coloring my "vision" I tend to have very deep self-doubt - of course it is not completely un founded - there is repeated experience that "validates" my fear - but what if there was a safe place to put these things so that other's questions we might not have considered can be voiced (not always answered, but voicing a question is often more helpful than offering an 'answer' from some else's perspective.) Having the questions, hearing them for the question they are {not taking them as judgments, right ?} and just being able to voice thoughts openly can be so powerful....
So I'm in babble mode I guess - really lovely - I'm in...
What is the planned length of these meetings, please? Thank you.