The Most Important Ingredient for Transformation

It's not what you pay attention to, but how you pay attention

We may normally think of mindfulness as just paying attention or being present, but after over 20 years of study and practice, I think this isn’t the best emphasis for practicing mindfulness in a way that creates real transformation.

Instead of focusing on what we are aware of in the present moment, I think it’s more helpful to focus on how we are aware in each moment.

There is always a perspective from which we are aware, and we can generally call this our attitude. It can often seem subtle, but it is one of the most consequential and impactful aspects of our experience.

What is the attitude with which you meet experience? Our minds have an innate habit of being critical or judgmental, and this creates a resistance, or contractions in our mind-body system, where we get stuck in feelings and thought loops.

If we look at extremes, do you know someone with an overly critical and judgemental attitude? What is their general mood? Do they seem happy to you?

When we get stuck in a judgmental attitude, we are sending a message to our mind-body system that “I don’t want this” or “this is not ok”. Try to notice, in this moment, what that does to your mind and body on a very subtle level. What does it feel like to be telling yourself “I don’t want this” or “this is not ok”? You may notice you feel more closed, rigid, anxious, tight.

With mindfulness, we are training being more open to our experience. We are training the attitude of “I can be with this” or “this is fundamentally ok”. Notice now what it feels like when you practice this attitude. “I can be with this”. “This is OK”.

You may notice you feel a bit more relaxed, a bit more open or free.

Over time, our habitual attitudes ingrain themselves in our posture. Try opening your posture, even if it’s very subtle, to feel like you’re more open to experience. Chronic tension and a collapsed posture signify a dissociation or self protection.

This is the reason posture is emphasized so much in meditation, we are practicing this openness, vulnerability, allowing ourselves to fully inhabit our body and meet each experience fully. We embody a sense of dignity.

Feel your shoulders relax and your chest open, vulnerable, feeling a willingness to meet life fully. Chogyam Trungpa talks about this in his book Shambhala: sacred path of the warrior, that we are practicing being courageous, a willingness to meet life with a tender, open heart.

We want to have this attitude especially towards our own inner experience, meaning our thoughts and feelings. Can we meet our thoughts and feelings with a warm, welcoming, accepting attitude. Not trying to change them, but accepting them wholly as we experience them, in each moment.

We can practice this in all activities, when we’re working, walking, sitting, moving… feel a sense of alignment through your centre. Feel a sense of dignity in your posture. Can you embody a quiet courage, a willingness to meet your experience fully.

We can even practice embodying a subtle smile. Like smile with your face, then imagine smiling through your heart space, and imagine that smile energy permeates your whole being. Even if you’re feeling sad or anxious or numb, smile at those feelings, they are welcome here.

And this is one of the keys to a good life, learning to accept and even love each moment, each thought, and every feeling as fully as we can, especially if they are uncomfortable.