"We're all a little ADHD"

Revisiting Stress and Attention

This piece is written about ADHD, but it really applies to anyone who has trouble regulating their focus, which seems to be just about everybody these days. I recently received a few emails from people expressing how much my Meditation for ADHD Course helped them, so decided to revisit the topic here as I haven’t discussed it in a while.

While not everyone has ADHD, today’s world is pretty stressful for most of us, and this essay is about how we can fundamentally change our relationship to stress in a way that allows for more relaxed fluidity, avoiding the buildup of discomfort that leads to chronic stress and frustration.

Since I knew what ADHD was I knew I had it.  I was never diagnosed as a kid because I didn’t have the hyperactivity component.  I was able to remain quiet in class, lost in thought the entire time the teacher was talking.

When it came time to start working, I’d turn to the kid next to me and ask them what we were doing.

I was able to make it through school like this, a relatively smart kid who’d do pretty good on tests but would never do homework and always half-ass assignments.

One time in highschool I tried some meds from a friend with ADHD.  That day I actually listened to the teacher, and actually focused on my work.  It was surreal, that this little pill could actually allow me to do something I had never been able to.

But the next day I felt terrible.  I had lost all vitality and had my first taste of what true depression would feel like.  It was scary, and I swore to myself I’d never experiment with the meds again.

Now of course this is why you go to a professional for these things.  I was already untrusting of doctors at this age and figured I’d just try out Ritalin for myself.  But now looking back I understand that had I seen a professional, they’d likely be able to find a med for me that worked.  Or maybe not.  Some people just have adverse effects with meds, and choose to go without.

I’ve sometimes wondered what it would have been had I found meds that worked and actually applied myself in school.  In that timeline I imagine I’d likely have a PhD in psychology right now.  I was always interested in academics, but I could never apply myself.

But I don’t regret it.  I very much like the way my life has taken me.

In my first year of University I realized the reality of academics, and although I did pretty OK in most of my classes, I felt more engaged reading eastern philosophy and Buddhism in my spare time.

The way they taught these topics in University didn’t appeal to me; I was far more interested to learn the essence of these things from real Buddhist teachers.

So after my first year of University I decided to take a break and sought out a traditional teacher of Tibetan Buddhism and applied myself to that, while also doing a teacher training course in Ashtanga yoga.

You see ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t focus.  It’s not at all a deficit of attention.  It’s that we ADHD folk have trouble regulating what we focus on.

There’s been a movement to rename ADHD as Executive Function Disorder, which far more reflects the science of what we understand about ADHD.  Executive Function refers to the mental processes that help you to set and carry out goals.

It’s not that us ADHD folk can't focus, it’s that we don’t have great control of what we can and can’t focus on.  Hyperfocus is in fact a common symptom of ADHD, where we get lost in focusing on one thing, often for long periods of time, sometimes even missing meals because we don’t even realize we’re hungry.

While a kid with ADHD can’t focus on homework, they can often play video games for hours without distraction.

When I was doing a lot of photography I could lose myself in photo editing until my stomach would growl and I’d realize it was 11pm and I hadn’t had dinner.

ADHD is not an inability to focus, it’s an inability to regulate our focus.  We can focus on what we find interesting and engaging, and find it challenging to focus on things that don’t interest us.

Now there are advantages and disadvantages to this.

There’s so much pressure in our world to conform to a certain lifestyle.  Do well in school, get a good job, save up for a downpayment on a mortgage…

With the right meds I could have easily gone that way, but without meds there was no way I was going to be able to apply myself to that type of lifestyle.

So instead I explored and pursued the things that truly interested me.

I read the books that interested me, learning about Buddhism and Integral Theory (via Ken Wilber books, which actually sparked my interest in psychotherapy).

That led to me finding a small experiential psychotherapy school, run by a longtime practitioner of Zen Buddhism, who integrated Gestalt Therapy, Jungian Psychology, and Buddhism, among other traditions and modalities.

Instead of following a more conventional path of education, I sought out the thinkers and teachers who were actually interesting to my unmedicated mind.

I often wonder if in this sense, ADHD is a good thing.  It forces people to pursue their passions, as opposed to conforming to a conventional uninspired job.

If all the people working in finance, marketing, and law instead pursued more meaningful work – work that was more inspired and actually looked at and addressed our current world problems – then the world would be a very different place.

While being able to competently learn and complete a series of mundane tasks is great for finding and keeping a job in today’s world, it’s maybe not the best thing for the world as a whole.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

This is undoubtedly idealistic, but what if not being able to focus on mundane, meaningless tasks is actually a good thing for the world as a whole?

Reality

Now, speaking generally here, I know not everyone with ADHD has the same passion for learning as I do.  I’m lucky in that I have many interests, allowing me to apply myself to topics that can in some form turn into a career.

I’ve had friends and clients with ADHD who are in similar situations, and when you’re neurotically obsessed with your field of study, it can do wonders for your career.

But many people with ADHD are not particularly interested in things that would lead to a successful career.  Or sometimes they are, but that career has other demands they aren’t able to meet.

While only being able to focus on things we find interesting can be advantageous by forcing people to pursue their passions, it clearly presents many challenges for a lot of people today.

A More Nuanced Perspective

If you dive into the only world of ADHD today, you’ll actually find a lot of controversy.

You see, my obsession with psychology and meditation led me to better understand my ADHD and then come up with ways of working with it.  I eventually made a video on my YouTube channel where I share how I conceptualize ADHD and the associated struggles, and then how I developed a particular style of meditation to address my difficulties directly.

Well, it was a hit.  My most popular video by far, and countless comments expressing surprise that the technique actually worked.

I didn’t want to devote my channel to ADHD, as it’s just one of my many interests, but I thought it would be a good idea to do a Meditation for ADHD course (which received equally great feedback that you can find on the course page).

So I spent the next while digging deeper into ADHD, reading countless perspectives and experiences and listening to interviews with leaders in the field.

What I found was that there’s a lot of controversy around the topic of ADHD, with a ton of online debate.

One of the commonly debated topics has to do with the question of whether there are any positive or advantageous qualities to ADHD.  Many experts argue no, while others argue yes.

In my experience and understanding, there are in fact a lot of positive qualities.  ADHD people tend to think in less linear ways, meaning we jump around in our thoughts from topic to topic, instead of sticking with a well reasoned line of thought.

People argue that the ADHD mind is more creative, and us ADHD folk are better at solving complex or nonlinear problems.

I think of it as having many tabs open in the browser window.  In fact when people tell me they might have ADHD, I often ask how many tabs they have open in their browser.

This isn’t a perfect way to diagnose, but it certainly is telling.

The ADHD mind is like this.  We have a lot of tabs open, and we’re able to jump from one to the next seamlessly.  Neurotypical minds usually have more trouble jumping around like this, and it takes them a while to reset and reorient every time the topic of thought changes.

But clearly, there are also downsides to having ADHD.  It doesn’t take a lot of looking on forums to come across people utterly desperate, struggling to just get through each day.

The Deciding Factor

If I am to oversimplify the difference between “good” and “bad” ADHD, the deciding factor would be stress.

Whatever the challenges of ADHD, they get much, much worse when stressed.

When I have to focus on something I don’t want to, I have difficulty and that starts to stress me out.  That stress makes it harder to focus, and then it just compounds.  Basically the harder I try to focus, the harder it becomes.

Getting caught in this compounding stress loop is where a lot of the difficulties come from.  This is why avoidance is a common issue with ADHD.

Everyone with ADHD has their “mess”.  It can be a literal mess in their home or a metaphorical mess, like putting off doing taxes, making calls, emails…

Turning towards the mess brings an immediate feeling of stress because the problem seems insurmountable, so we learn to turn away from it.

You’d be amazed at how long a person can not think about a mess that seems obvious to everyone else… or maybe you actually know.

So ADHD management is, much of the time, stress management.

This isn’t always the case, as there are many other factors, but if you can’t manage your stress well then it’s going to be much harder to implement all the other ADHD tactics.

How Do We Manage Stress?

The thing about stress is it happens in the body.  While ADHD is typically thought of as a mental affliction, the reality is all of our suffering is physical, not mental.

Sure our mental loops can trigger physical suffering, but the suffering itself is still physical.

There’s this myth that negative thoughts are the root cause of our suffering.  This is perpetuated to some degree in Buddhism, and especially in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

There is no question that thoughts cause suffering.  But are they really the root cause?

Somatic psychology would argue no.  And I’d agree.

I’ve found that most unhelpful thought patterns are actually rooted in unprocessed feelings.  When we can process the feelings and associated beliefs, it really helps calm down the thought patterns.

This can be a long and complex process, but there are some techniques we can implement right now to start to transform our experience.

Breaking The ADHD Cycle

While ADHD is often thought of as having a restless and unfocused mind, what I discovered about my own experience was that the real challenges were happening in my body.

I came to see that I was in a perpetual state of discomfort. I had become so used to it that I barely paid it any attention.

Our natural inclination is to avoid discomfort, and so perpetual discomfort often leads to dissociation.

We dissociate so we don’t have to experience the discomfort in our body, but this is not an effective long term solution.

The problem is that our body is always speaking to us, our feelings are communicating information.

When we dissociate, we are no longer receiving that information. We aren’t listening to our body anymore. And when we don’t listen to our body, it has a tendency to start yelling.

This is why my approach to ADHD begins with our relationship to our body. It’s about connecting to our body in a gentle and validating way. Instead of trying to mute our feelings, we instead welcome them in a skillful way that helps to soothe them.

Practicing this approach has changed my life. It’s allowed me to have a more open and fluid experience of my feelings in a naturally relaxed manner. I don’t get frustrated like I used to, and when I do I can quickly shift my awareness in a way that bring some immediate relief.

This is approach is one of the main themes I explore on my YouTube channel, and I also made a thoughtfully structured Meditation for ADHD Course that really fleshes this out along with other supportive techniques and tactics.

While in many ways each person’s struggles are unique, there are some common themes I’ve noticed over the years.

Our difficulty with self-compassion is another big challenge, as self-judgment causes more stress and tension, adding to the cycles of stress and frustration. That’s why I added a whole self-compassion module to the Meditation for ADHD Course, that explores why we are so self-judgmental in the first place and offers practices that can unravel self-judgement and cultivate genuine self-compassion.

There’s also a killer “refocusing” practice that uses science backed techniques to let go of distraction and refocus on the task at hand. This one I do all the time, including numerous times while writing this piece.

OK so yes I’m promoting the course here, something I usually feel a bit shy to do, but have been getting such great feedback that I figure I should.

I made it only $33 USD, which goes against all the advice I got about making money, but this information feels too important to be out of reach to those who need it most.

On that note, I have a policy that if you really can’t afford it but feel you’d get a lot out of it, just shoot me an email and I’ll share the content with you at no charge. I really do believe in the value of what I put together here.